The Carol and Michael Hearons Family Advocacy Program

Carol and Mike's Place

Chapter Seven

March 28, 2015

Dear Readers,

Much has happened in my life since I lost Carol to Stage IV small-cell lung cancer on Sunday, November 2, 2014.

I had been her caregiver for almost a year, and I was “blogging” my experiences on this ICAN website to help any caregivers who may have just begun their journey of support to Stage IV cancer patients.

On November 16, I drafted Chapter 7, indicating I might talk about my evolving view on mortality, immortality, fellowship, and the need for suddenly “jobless” caregivers to stay organized and avoid what I have since termed “the scatterbrain syndrome.” I think it would have been a pretty good chapter, but I got a phone call in December informing me that my kid sister, Robin, nicknamed "Rawbaw," was in a hospital in Wisconsin in a pretty bad way. Could I drop everything, drive immediately from Michigan to Wisconsin, and make myself useful to her? Yes, I could pop over there for a couple of weeks while she got back on her feet.

Rawbaw was discharged from the hospital the same day I traveled there, but now, three months later, she is still not back on her feet! This has been no picnic for her, but it has actually been good for me. Had she not needed me, I would have been wandering through my house in Pontiac every night, calling out Carol's name. (Yes, I will always miss Carol. We tied the knot almost half a century ago, and she was the center of my life from that moment until she passed away.) My time as caregiver for Carol was well-spent. I learned a lot about looking after the sick, and I am now applying this knowledge again.

Rawbaw has diabetes and related problems with her short-term memory, her vision, her heart, and her feet. Neuropathies in her feet also concealed a case of osteomyelitis that developed in her right foot and required the amputation of her right big toe in late 2014. The resultant wound is taking a long time to heal, in great part because she is diabetic. (As you may know, many medical issues that a diabetic has are made even worse by diabetes mellitus.)

My older sister, Brooke, has visited from Kentucky to help me with the new caregiver role, and we are currently putting together a plan to share our homes with Rawbaw on a revolving basis, so that she can say goodbye to the harsh winters of Wisconsin and enjoy springtime in Lexington, Ky., and the near-perfect summers of Pontiac, Mich.

However, until such time as Rawbaw is well enough to leave Wisconsin and come split her time between my home and Brooke's, I will be just about totally absorbed by the demands of full-time caregiving again. My fearless leader, Marcia K. Horn, CEO and flaming torch of ICAN, will also be expecting a Chapter 8 from me soon.

Some of that new chapter will be things I forgot to report on while busy as caregiver to my late wife, and some of it will be new caregiver tricks I've picked up while looking after Rawbaw (to include giving injections and changing dressings on wounds). I may also finagle an interview with my late wife's nurse practitioner, who combined kindness and understanding with the straight talk we often needed while grappling with Carol's cancer and its treatments.

I would also like to pick the brain of my favorite visiting nurse here in Wisconsin, who reads my mind and tells me things I will need to know before I have a clue. (I am so relieved when she comes to the house to grade me. When she leaves, I always feel markedly less klutzy as a caregiver!) Caregiving is an honor. You are picked by fate to serve, and once you're into it, you know there is absolutely nothing more important you could be doing. That realization may be a while in coming, but it will come.

Thanks for visiting “Carol and Mike's Place” again. Its mission may have morphed a bit (certainly, its location!), but it's still all about giving care and growing with the role. I look forward to sharing pertinent tidbits with you in future blogs.

—Michael E. Hearons


Guidestar Platinum Seal of Transparency 2021


Federal Tax I.D.: EIN 86-0818253