Diane O'Sullivan Carney's Eulogy
delivered September 19, 2022

Thank you all for coming today.

Thank you for the outpouring of love and support for Tom, for me and for our children. Thank you to family, who have stepped in during countless times of need throughout Tom's illness. Thank you to the New York Police Department who's support this past week has been boundless.

Because of your profound presence our children will have many positive memories of this very tragic time in our lives, where they will be able to look back and remember how loved and respected their Daddy was.

Thank you to Monsignor Hoppe for visiting with us in our home and for being with us last night. Your sincerity and faith have brought us comfort.

It is so difficult to put on paper all of the things that Tom was, but I will try my best.

Tom was welcoming and warm to everyone he met. His kindness and gentleness instantly made others want to be near him. Tom's sense of humor was unmatched. He was the funniest person I ever met. His humor wasn't loud and overt but he could interject with sharp one-liners that would bring tears of laughter to our eyes. We shared so many laughs, so many jokes, and his silliness with me and the kids made our home such a happy place.

As many of you know, Tom and I met as teenagers. Tom talks about how our love was love at first sight, how he never could have believed that there was such a thing until it happened for him that fateful night at The Breffini many years ago. And he was right. I loved Tom from the moment I saw him, years before I even knew his name, when I had a school girl crush on the "tall drummer from the pipe band." Tom's beautiful soul shone from his warm, gentle smile and from the moment we locked eyes I knew that was it.

Tom had such a romantic heart. We shared so many beautiful moments that would put Hollywood rom- coms to shame. His confidence in himself allowed him to show his love for me openly. He wasn't afraid to be affectionate towards me and the kids, no matter the time or place. He wasn't shy about showing us how much he loved us, and I loved that about him. Throughout our relationship Tom was very easy-going. He didn't get too upset over silly things. He was understanding and forgiving of me, and he let a lot of my mistakes slide. Tom was also confident enough to express himself to me. When I was wrong, he would tell me.

I appreciated having an equal partner in Tom. We had a beautiful marriage, filled with love and tenderness. There were so many laughs, and hugs, frequent kisses, sweet notes and "I love you"s. Even during some very tough points of Tom's illness, our marriage continued to be filled with respect and admiration for one another. The countless memories we have made will sustain me and I am so grateful to Tom for giving me that. It pains me now to think that our children will no longer be able to witness how much mommy and daddy love each other. I hope I can do it justice through my storytelling.

Tom loved being a father. Thomas, Owen, Kathleen and Ciara – Daddy loved you all so much. You have brought the greatest joy into our lives.

Thomas – you always surprised Daddy with what you could create. The attention you paid to detail when building lego sets, creating comics, creating short movies. Daddy enjoyed all of those creations and they made him so proud. As the oldest you got to have a lot of conversations with Daddy. He loved how smart you are and curious about life and he loved to share all of his knowledge with you. You were so helpful to Daddy throughout his illness, always running upstairs without hesitation to get one of his medications, a book, or a drink when asked and always protecting and taking care of your younger siblings.

Owen.. my Owen, as Daddy liked to say. Daddy was so amazed by your fearless nature. You never hesitate to try anything new and you have a forgiving and laid-back nature that allows you to forgive yourself for mistakes too. Daddy loved watching you try new sports because he saw how much fun you had with it and that made him so happy. Daddy always wants us to have fun. And since you inherited a lot of Daddy's silly I know that we will keep having fun with you!

Kathleen – Daddy couldn't get enough of your BIG imagination! All of the hours that you and Daddy spent playing pretend- hotel, shops, restaurant, library, and all the times spent playing Barbies too! You would pull out things from all over the house to play, and while Daddy hated the mess, he loved all those moments being a part of your imagination. He was so proud of your intelligence and creativity.

Ciara- Daddy loved to say that you were his biggest fan and you loved to say that you had "the silliest Daddy!" I will always picture you sitting on Daddy's lap playing a game that he just invented in the moment and you laughing at all of his jokes.He loved when you would cuddle up to him on the couch to watch TV. I could see Daddy instantly fill with love and see his pain and anxieties lessen when he was holding you.

To all four of you, Daddy wanted nothing more than to be able to stay here with you. I know that you all saw how hard Daddy fought against being sick, just to be able to sit down at the dinner table with us and be so silly. I know that was a favorite part of all of our days. Daddy will continue to be with us. We are forever connected to him through our invisible strings. All of the love that we shared with Daddy doesn't leave with him. It stays with us in our hearts forever.

When struggling with the gravity of living with terminal illness Tom had listened to several philosophical talks and read several books that dealt with death. He shared with me that most people have two questions when reflecting on their life – Was I loved, and did I show others that I loved them? Tom shared that he knew he was loved. He knew how much his family and friends loved him, especially me, his children, his parents Tommy and Eileen and sister, Christine. While he is not present on Earth today to witness all the love in this church, he felt it while alive. Tom showed all of us his light and love too.

That is what brings us together. We are forever bound by that shared love and also bound by our grief. Tom had so much more to give – as a husband, father, son, brother, friend and police officer. Tom touched so many lives through his love and kindness, more than he could ever realize.

We love you so much Tom. The world was a better place with you in it. And although you were taken from us too soon, your kindness, courage, and laughter remain. It is not the quantity of years a person has that matters. A life well lived is demonstrated in improving the lives of all those you have touched.

We are better for having known you. To say you will be missed does not even begin to fill a void that can never be filled without you. My gentle, kind, witty, handsome and courageous Tom - I have loved you forever and I always will.

Until we meet again, goodbye for now.

_Diane O'Sullivan Carney

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OBITUARY
Thomas J. Carney

Thomas James Carney of Jackson Heights died September 12, 2022 at Calvary Hospital in Bronx, NY. Thomas was born October 16, 1978. He was a proud member of the NYPD and served as one of New York's Finest for over 19 years. He bravely faced years of illness, and at the time of his death he was surrounded by the love and comfort of his mother, sister, friend, and wife. Tom passed peacefully in her loving arms.

Beloved husband of Diane (nee O'Sullivan). Cherished father of Thomas, Owen, Kathleen and Ciara. Beloved son of Thomas (predeceased) and Eileen (nee Rice). Dear brother of Christine Conway (Kevin). Treasured son-in-law to Michael and Mary O'Sullivan, and brother-in-law to Jeanne and Sean Martin, Mary and Thomas McKnight, Michael and Robyn O'Sullivan, Joseph (predeceased) and Natalie O'Sullivan, John and Jill O'Sullivan, Theresa and Patrick Rohan and Kathy and William Parra. Also survived by many loving aunts, uncles, cousins', nieces, nephews, friends and NYPD brethren. Tom was gentle, witty and thoughtful.

He enjoyed playing the guitar and could be cajoled into singing on occasion. He was a native New Yorker and as such, a huge hometown fan. His favorites were the Mets and the Rangers. Tom loved spending time with family and friends in Long Beach, Hampton Bays and Co. Kerry, Ireland.

Although many times Tom may have been the quietest man in a room, his soft smile and sharp sense of humor made him the most memorable. Tom's warmth and kindness endeared him to many. To know him was to love him. We are grateful for the time we shared and will miss him always.

Visitation will be Saturday, September 17 from 4-9PM and Sunday, September 18 from 4-9PM at Edward D. Lynch Funeral Home, Inc, 43-07 Queens Boulevard, Sunnyside, NY. Funeral Mass will be held at 10:45 am on Monday, September 19, 2022 at St. Joan of Arc RCC, 82-00 35th Avenue, Jackson Heights, NY. Burial to follow at Calvary Cemetery, in Long Island City.

Like a warrior, Tom fought an over five-year battle with lung cancer. Lung cancer is the most prevalent cancer in humans. Yet, because of the false stigma associated with this terrible disease, research into its cure is dramatically underfunded compared to other cancers.

In lieu of flowers, we ask that you make a donation in memory of Thomas James Carney to the Exon 20 Group at International Cancer Advocacy Network online at www.askican.org or via mail at: The Thomas James Carney Research Advocacy Program The Exon 20 Group at ICAN 27 West Morten Avenue Phoenix, AZ 85021-7246

 

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